Be a sport!

I'm not good at sports. There, i said it.

I know that in India, which takes its sports very seriously (except hockey which just happens to be the national sport), such an announcement will be greeted by gasps of horror. One is not expected to discuss one's infirmities in public after all. It just isn't done. Nevertheless it's true. Don't get me wrong, i love playing and would be the first to rush out every evening to collect the neighbourhood kids. Then we would play football, cricket or whatever we could in one of those huge empty plots of land which colonies used to abound in a few years ago. But i never really excelled in anything.

Football would always be hectic, as I would pant after the ball which used to rush away from me as if it were a coy, giggly bride. When at long last i would manage to corner the ball i would be so exhausted that i would end up unfailingly kicking it towards my own goal. No wonder the opposing team used to be so fond of me. If i had their vote i would be playing in the World Cup today. And the one time i did manage to score a goal for my own side, there was a clap of thunder the next second and the match was cancelled due to a rainstorm. When i grew older, and taller, i decided to try out basketball. I reasoned that since there were fewer players involved i'd have a better chance of making contact with the ball. I wish i'd known that i was destined to end up facing the team with the tallest boys in the school (they used to bend down to pat giraffes on the head). Oh yes, i'd get the ball occasionally but mostly it was trying to weave through a forest of legs keeping a sharp lookout for anybody who might mistake me for the ball and put me through the hoop.

But if i had to single out one sport which gave me truly unforgettable memories, cricket would win hands down. I've always held that there just isn't something natural about a game where players spent 90 per cent of the time standing and squinting in the sun. But since it was practically a religion among virile youths of my age, i had no choice but to join in the festivities every evening. In time i developed such a unique style of playing that it was all my playmates could do to stop themselves from erecting viewing stands and charging 20 bucks admission for daily shows of 'Watch Adi Play Cricket' (Warning: Not Suitable for Minors). When it came to fielding, balls would either sail through my fingers as if they were made of thin air or deviously ricochet off my feet and bounce along over the boundary line. As for bowling, let's not even talk about that because the mere suggestion of me bowling would cause my captain to fall to the ground, howling with laughter. It was batting, however, which i loved, even though i spent an incredibly brief time doing it. Every time the bowler scowled in my direction, ready to deliver a sizzler, i would shout out, "You throw me a fast one and you can forget about borrowing my English homework today!" or, "Remember the time i helped you pass the maths exam? You owe me!" Hey, it was worth a try.

However, there was one wonderful upside to being bad in sports. In the rare few instances when i did 'catch out' a person or manage to score a goal or a basket there would be a minute of stunned silence and then both teams yes, both would burst into hearty applause.

And that, my friends, was one moment i wouldn't have traded for anything in the world.

Courtesy: Aditya Gupta (TOI)